Viva Las Vegas

As I read more about metaphysical thinking, the power of your subconscious, etc, I become more convinced that you bring things and circumstances into your life by what you focus on.

Visiting Las Vegas was always something I wanted to do but could never get my girlfriends on board. I wanted to party in Vegas for my big 3-0 celebrations but saw no way that it could happen. So I put it on my bucket list and forgot about it.

I was lucky enough to sneak away to Las Vegas for a weekend a few weeks ago to celebrate a friend’s birthday. It was a spur of the moment trip and best of all free for me!

Here are few pics from the trip. Best thing about it was an hour long helicopter ride to the Grand Canyon!

A view of the Grand Canyon from the helicopter.

A view of the Grand Canyon from the helicopter.

The Grand Canyon!

The Grand Canyon!

My view from our suite in The

My view from our suite in The Bellagio

Sidetracked by life

The whole reason that I started this blog was to document the months leading up to my 30th birthday and whatever I learned along the way.

I’ve been sidetracked by real life, and have fallen down on blog posts.

Starting tomorrow I plan to post daily until my bday on the 29th, which ironically is the day I turn 30 *gasp*

tee tee

Above water

(I couldn’t sleep last night, or all this week for that matter. Insomnia and emotional chaos must be my muses because the words below just spilled out of me and captured the longing and emotion I felt last night.)

She felt as though she was drowning and her lungs were struggling for air. She could feel herself taking in short, shallow breaths but it seemed as though she wasn’t breathing at all. Her head felt light, her pulse was racing and her face was prickly and hot.

“Is this what dying feels like?” She asked herself.

Of all the days, of all places, she had to spot him today – with her. She stood rooted to the spot, transfixed by the sight in front of her.
They sat in the diner’s corner booth, with the tattered red vinyl seats and stained table top.

They looked out of place, too rich for the worn down joint. He wore a dark, expensive looking suit and shiny leather loafers. Although in his late 50s, he was still ruggedly handsome. Time had brought a few lines around his wide hazel eyes but they made him appear more distinguished. His brown curly hair was cropped short and showed no signs of graying. His companion wore a yellow sundress, low cut and belted at the waist, that accentuated her curves. On her feet were a pair of nude heels, the kind that made you wince just by looking at them. He must have said something funny because she threw her head back in unbridled laughter.

“Those customers ain’t gonna serve themselves, sweet girl,” the diner’s manager Dave hissed at her as he walked by with a pot of coffee. “Get to it.”
Suddenly, like a dam breaking, she was jolted out of her reverie. She knew she had to face them, the time had come.

“G’night,” she said softly, as she handed them two laminated menus. “Can I take your order?”
He stared at her appreciatively, noting her attractiveness discreetly. She felt her face flush even more and wished she had tied her long, messy curls into a ponytail.

“Good night Diana,” he said in a deep voice, after a quick glance at the name tag above her bosom. “We’ll take two slices of your best cake, with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side and two chocolate milkshakes.”
“Odd choice,” Diana said, although she was rendered nearly speechless by his smile. “Celebrating somethin’?”

“I just got into law school,” his companion said with the confident air of a girl who knew her worth. “It’s tradition, we always celebrate milestones with cake and ice cream. It’s a wonder we aren’t fat, right daddy?”
The last word was like a stab to the heart.

“Congratulations, I’ll be right back with your order,” Diana managed to choke out before she snatched their menus away and turned on her heel.
Diana silently returned with their order and thank yous were said. She feigned interest in wiping the diner’s other table tops with disinfectant but stole furtive glances at them whenever she could.

Thirty minutes later and they were gone. He turned to look at her before he walked outside and they held each other’s gaze for what seemed like an eternity. Two sets of hazel eyes burning deeply into each other’s, searching deeply, asking silent questions.
She’s about my daughter’s age, he must have thought.
He smiled weakly before breaking their connection, swallowed hard, and rushed out the door.

Letting go of toxic relationships

Over the past few years, several of my close friendships have fallen apart. Some were conscious decisions to remove myself from negative relationships and in other instances people that I cared about decided to let me go. Both scenarios were equally painful.

Losing contact with someone you once communicated with daily, with whom you shared highs and lows, hopes and dreams, can be a devastating experience. To this day I mourn a friendship I ended seven years ago. Although I don’t miss the drama and negativity the person brought into my life, I miss our good memories and I am saddened I will not be around for her future milestones, nor will she be there to witness mine.

Still removing her from my life was one of the best decisions I ever made and my life became less centered around her and her dramatic flareups and more focused on myself and genuine, healthy friendships. A few weeks ago I recently ended a close friendship that was co-dependant and very unhealthy. We did not end on good terms and while I wish that person the best in life, I’ve decided to love from afar and not allow the tumultuous energy into my sphere.
Here are my tips to cutting ties with the dead weight in your life.

*¦·sindorella·¦* / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

1. Evaluate how the person makes you feel. I firmly believe that relationships should enrich your life. If there is someone around you who drains you emotionally during almost every encounter, who only contacts you to complain or unload baggage on you, who does not motivate you to be a better, more positive person – then that person is toxic.

2. Explain your decision. Even though you’ve decided you no longer want this person in your life you should avoid cutting them off without an explanation. Not answering phone calls and emails without a reason will make you seem like an immature prick and will make you feel harassed each time you press ignore when you see their name on your cell phone’s caller Id. Instead, calmly explain your decision and why you think it’s best you two have some space.

3. Don’t give in. Whenever you make a conscious choice to make your life better you will find resistance. This person that you are cutting ties with will no doubt make you feel guilty for your decision, cast blame on you for the problems in the relationship and generally make you feel bad for trying to sever ties. Do not let that get to you and stick to your guns.
Trust in yourself and know that you are making the right choice for your life.

Photo credit: *¦·sindorella·¦* / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

Clutter kills the mind

Our life is frittered away by detail…simplify, simplify – Henry David Thoreau

I think that I am something of a pack rat. I’m not as bad as those people you see on tv, whose homes have been taken over by mounds of stuff but sometimes I understand why hoarders hold on to meaningless things.

Things make you feel secure, they are yours, no matter how tattered, old or worn that pile of junk in the corner of your closet is, it’s yours. Evidence of a life that has been lived.

I have too many things. Too many clothes, even though I always feel that I have nothing to wear, too many papers stacked about or stuffed in drawers, boxes that need to be emptied and thrown away.

basykes / Foter / CC BY

Today I will start to declutter. I hope the process bring me some peace and clarity. My mind has been something of a jumble as of late, as if I’m trying to tell myself something but I’m speaking in another language.

Maybe it’s the anticipation of getting another year older – I get panic attacks about the number, what I should have done by now by western standards (gotten married, had a few kids, a mortgage) but I am embracing the fact that I have none of those things but I have my freedom, my dreams and myself.

Now to declutter.

Sweet Mother Mary, I’m turning 30

I constantly lie about my age. Some days I’m 27, some 25, others I say I’m 23. I have been blessed, either through genetics or luck, to look much younger than I am.

Most people think I’m 21 or 23 and once and a while I get mistaken for a teenager. Yet that has done nothing to quell my anxiety over turning the big 3-0.

But I’ve been trying to compartmentalize that irrational fear and look at my upcoming birthday in a positive light. I’m much more confident and secure in myself than I was at 21, have a great career and some money in the bank.
Still I think of all I should have accomplished by now: gotten married; had a kid or two; bought a house; saved more money; and travelled more.

Instead of freaking out over looming wrinkles and comparing myself to more successful counterparts I’m going to use this opportunity to live life more fully while I have the chance.

Cue in my 30 before 30 list. With just under seven months until the big day, I figure checking some things off this list will help me to see my approaching day in a positive light.

Personal development
1 Weigh 115 pounds
2 Write at least five chapters of my book
3 Finish David Copperfield, Oryx and Crake, Dracula, Oliver Twist, Sherlock Holmes
4 Practice meditation and affirmations everyday
5 Finish at least three law of attraction/manifestation books
6 Be vegan for one month straight
7 Finish at least three weekend juice detoxes
8 Financial freedom
9 Perfect at least two vegan dishes
10 Start a mutual fund

Community
1 Volunteer with an animal rescue organization
2 Donate $300 to charity
3 Donate clothes to Salvation Army
4 Rescue at least two stray dogs
5 Read to underprivileged children
6 Inspire people with my writing
7 Complete the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure
8 Pay it forward to five strangers
9 Donate food to a homeless shelter
10 Be a mentor to a child

Fun
1 Swim with dolphins
2 Ride on a banana boat
3 Learn to shoot a gun
4 See a broadway show in NY
5 Take a solo weekend getaway to an island
6 Host a birthday bonfire on the beach
7 Take a strip pole aerobics class
8 Fly in a hot air balloon
9 Ride a horse on a beach
10 Indulge in a luxury spa treatment

Wish me luck on my journey and feel free to tell me some of the things on your bucket list.

I choose to be happy

I have been in a melancholy mood for the past few days, watching depressing, gory films and laying about.

I don’t know if it’s the weather, lower temperatures and shorter days usually depress me. I gave in to my darker side and succumbed to emotional eating. It’s an old self-destructive pattern that I have yet to break. But instead of beating myself up for this latest slip up I forced myself to realize tomorrow is another day.

I will snap out of my funk and take care of my mind, body and spirit.

A book that has inspired me over the past few months is The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy. He has a chapter on happiness and stresses that one must make it a habit and a choice to be happy.

Camdiluv ♥ / Foter / CC BY-SA

Some of us are so used to being sad or depressed that slipping into the destructive mood is like welcoming an old friend into your home. But I challenge you, and myself, to find the strength to shake off the doldrums.

Murphy recommends the following affirmation just after waking in the morning to set the stage for a good mood:
“Divine order takes charge of my life today and everyday. All things work together for good for me today. This is a new and wonderful day for me. There will never be another day like this one.
“I am divinely guided all day long and whatever I do will prosper. Divine love surrounds me, enfolds me, and enwraps me, and I go forth in peace. Whenever my attention wanders away from that which is good and constructive, I will immediately bring it back to that which is of good report.
“I am a spiritual and mental magnet attracting to myself all things which bless and prosper me. I am going to be a wonderful success in all my undertakings today.
“I am definitely going to be happy all day long.”